SWHCBB 86

Chapter 86: The One You Loved… Was Never Me

Jiang Chuang gently stroked his long hair as he recalled the years of estrangement between them. Back then, he had thought he was the only one suffering, betrayed in body and heart, unable to take revenge. He had no idea how he got through those years at the border.

But it wasn’t until Zhiyu’s death that he realized he hadn’t been the only one in pain.

“It’s better not to have gone through it,” Jiang Chuang sighed softly. “Now, all that’s left between us is good memories.”

Zhiyu forced a smile and said awkwardly, “But I really am a bit jealous of the version of me in the previous life. He spent so many years with you. And we’ve only been married for just over a year.”

Jiang Chuang’s hand paused, his gaze tinged with sorrow. “But in our past life, we were only truly happy for the first two years. After I discovered your motives, we broke apart. All that remained was pain. But in this life, we still have ten, twenty, thirty years ahead of us, until we’re old and gray.”

Zhiyu looked up and met Jiang Chuang’s affectionate gaze. He broke into a bright smile and nodded hard. “You are right!”

As for reincarnation, after the initial shock, Zhiyu accepted it quickly. Bai Yuan’s existence had already made him more open to the strange and inexplicable.

After so many treatments, Zhiyu had long noticed Bai Yuan’s abnormalities. He had only pretended not to know and had even vaguely suspected that Bai Yuan might not be human, but he’d never told anyone.

Zhiyu asked, “What happened after that?”

Jiang Chuang smiled bitterly. “That day, when I smashed a wine jar in front of you and held my sword to your shoulder, we tore away all pretense. I thought you’d been acting from the start, that you never loved me, not even a little.

I was furious and sulked at Huang Guang’s place for days, refusing to go back. But you never came to coax me! Can you believe it? You acted like I was the one who had done something wrong. If you had just come to smooth things over, given me a way to step down, maybe we wouldn’t have ended up apart for years!”

Wen Jue froze. If his motives had been exposed to Yunchuan back then, this would have been the result.

But Wen Jue couldn’t understand, why didn’t his past self go and comfort Yunchuan?

He’d been able to manipulate Yunchuan, make him fall in love, he should’ve known how easy it was to coax him.

Just a little softening, a bit of acting weak, a few sweet lies, and Yun Chuan would have come right back.

Jiang Chuang went on, “Forget it, forget it. You were wrong, but so was I! You shouldn’t have lied, and I shouldn’t have spoken to you so harshly. Let’s each take thirty strokes and call it even!”

“Once, Chen Lin told me you were sick. I snuck back in the middle of the night, just wanting to check on you. But I overheard you telling Changning not to call for me. I got so mad, I stormed out again.”

He sounded regretful. “If I’d had thicker skin and just stayed by your side, maybe I would’ve noticed your illness then. Maybe the poison in your body had already started acting up. Fortunately, we met Bai Yuan in this life. When he told me how bad your condition was, I hated myself so much. Why did I have to pick a fight with you?”

Zhiyu suddenly understood, was that why Yunchuan had held him and cried when he woke up, thinking of Read on what his past self had gone through?

“I couldn’t help going back. When you came to see me, I thought you were there to reconcile, and I was so happy!” Jiang Chuang’s tone turned aggrieved. “But then you immediately brought up working together, analyzing how Prince Yi was unfit to rule, talking strategy and transactions… I was so furious, I had only one thought.”

“What thought?”

Jiang Chuang pinched his cheek and gritted his teeth. “To screw you senseless!”

Then he rubbed his cheek and added, “But once I’d made you cry, I felt terrible again.”

Wen Jue’s heart ached. What had that version of him been thinking? He didn’t understand, how could someone keep trampling on Yunchuan’s sincerity even after being exposed? Didn’t he feel even a sliver of guilt?

His chest tightened as he listened. But Yunchuan’s voice, still laced with love and tenderness, only made his heart ache more.

He had once doubted Yunchuan’s sincerity, guarded against him, even schemed. But it turned out Yunchuan had always held a heart full of love for him, just hoping to melt him.

Jiang Chuang hugged him tighter. Once the regret and guilt in his chest were calmed, he continued, “After that, we were completely broken. You stayed in the capital for your grand ambitions, and I went off to war.”

At that, Wen Jue suddenly remembered the dream he’d had while unconscious. His eyes widened in shock, could it be?

Jiang Chuang didn’t notice his reaction and sighed. “I always thought you were heartless. But I had my pride, too. So I never looked for you again. I worked hard to forget you. unauthorized copyEven after winning battles and returning to the capital, I refused to go back to that empty house. And in doing so, I missed the chance to see how sick you had become.”

Wen Jue held back a tremble in his voice and asked casually, “When you came back to the capital… I didn’t write to you? Ask you to return?”

“No,” Jiang Chuang said. “I thought you didn’t want to see me. I held onto my anger, wondering how long you’d last without coming to me. Turns out, you were even better at it than I was. But I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t bring myself to reach out either. So I just showed up to every palace and family banquet, but I never saw you. Later… I found out you were gravely ill. Just when I was about to return home, Prince Yi gave me a mission and sent me away.”

He paused. Wen Jue, who had just started to relax, suddenly tensed again.

Jiang Chuang’s voice turned heavy. “When I finally came back, I learned the emperor had died. The capital was in chaos. The Eldest Princess had gained the upper hand, forcing Prince Yi to flee, and he took you with him!”

Wen Jue’s hands clenched the bedding. He looked up at Jiang Chuang in disbelief. It was the same as the dream, that dream hadn’t been just a dream! Was that really his past life? But… was that person really him?

Jiang Chuang slammed the bedframe with a furious fist. “That bastard Wen Yu, he locked you in a cage, treated you like livestock. I wanted to rip him apart! Only then did I truly understand what you meant by ‘unfit to rule.’ He had no compassion, no virtue, just a mask! A beast in human skin!”

He didn’t realize that Zhiyu had gone stiff all over, his eyes lowered and blank. That dream… it had all happened.

That version of ‘Wen Jue’ had suffered, been abused, heard Changning die because of him, and fell into despair, unable to live or die.

Wen Jue had never experienced those pains. Since marrying Yunchuan, his life had been completely different. So how could he truly understand or feel the same way as that person?

And then, a doubt, something that had always bothered him, rose again. Jiang Chuang leaned visit our sitein and kissed his ear lightly, just to make sure he was still there.

He kept the truth of Changning’s death to himself and only said, “Later, with Zhuge Qing’s help, I risked everything to save you. But Wen Yu still wouldn’t let us go. I handed over my military power as a show of loyalty, but in doing so, I gave up our last defense. He sent soldiers to hunt us down.”

“He wouldn’t even let me go. During the escape, I slowly came to understand your true heart. Zhiyu, you did have feelings for me. You were just too good at hiding it, too good at lying.” Jiang Chuang’s voice carried both pain and affection as he nibbled Zhiyu’s ear. “Little liar.”

Wen Jue said nothing, his voice hoarse. “And then?”

Jiang Chuang took a deep breath, steadying himself. “You suffered so much. Your body was already weak, but you had to flee with me. Covered in injuries, completely miserable. One night, the pain was too much, you cried and clung to me. That’s when we made up. But less than two days later… you…”

His eyes reddened, his voice caught in his throat.

“What happened?” Wen Jue asked, trembling.

Jiang Chuang hugged him tightly. “We were ambushed. I don’t know how a blind man like you, in the middle of a rain of arrows, could tell which one was meant for me. But you shielded me. The arrow was poisoned. You didn’t make it. Right before you died, lying in my arms, you asked me… asked if I could stop being mad at you.”

A tear fell from Jiang Chuang’s eyes, landing on Wen Jue’s ear, burning him like fire.

“You died in my arms. Only then did I realize, you had always loved me. I was afraid you’d reincarnate first, so I jumped off a cliff with your body.”

He sniffled and forced a smile. “I really did become a ghost. I watched from the bottom of the cliff as your sister found our corpses. She had ascended the throne. Wen Yu was executed by Lingchi (“slow slicing” [stolen content]or “death by a thousand cuts”), she avenged you.”

“And when I woke again, it was our wedding night. I made you pass out from exhaustion.” Jiang Chuang said solemnly, “I swore then, if Heaven gave me another chance, I would love you well. There would be no more barriers between us. Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you.”

But after he finished, he realized Wen Jue had his head lowered, silent.

Jiang Chuang was confused. “What’s wrong, Zhiyu?”

Wen Jue’s whole body trembled. He slowly looked up, eyes bloodshot, stubbornly holding back tears. His voice was hoarse and cracked. “So, from the very beginning… you loved me because you loved the Zhiyu from your past life. You feel guilty for him.”

The words were strange, startling. Jiang Chuang felt a chill in his chest. “But… I love you. Isn’t your past self still you?”

Wen Jue shook his head stubbornly. “It’s not the same. Our experiences, minds, memories, and choices are all different. How can you say we’re the same person? A person is made of memory and experience, those things shape who we are. Even if it’s a past and present life, if our memories and lives are completely different, what makes you so sure we’re the same?”

Wen Jue stared at him, tears falling freely, making his eyes shine like crystal, but all that filled them was a shattered heart.

“The one you loved… was never me. It was that past-life ‘Zhiyu’. I’m just the replacement you’re using to make up for what you lost.”