TBML 86

“Go inside and wrap yourself in the blankets. I’m never taking you to the valley again. I won’t let you go.”

“That’s… a bit much.”

Even though bathing was a hassle and he usually did it in a tub, he still had to go to the water’s edge to fetch the bathwater, so it was a ridiculous complaint. Yiyeon knew that today’s incident was entirely his fault, a hundred or a thousand times over, but he wasn’t the type to just meekly agree to such nonsense.

“Anyway, I’ll go tidy up.”

“……Yes.”

Still half-asleep, Yiyeon glanced warily at Hyunhak as he raised his eyebrows, then replied a beat too late. He wanted to say to himself that he could go clean up, but he knew that would lead to a long argument with Hyunhak. Right now, facing Hyunhak head-on felt harder than giving in to his own stubbornness.

“The blanket.”

Hyunhak pushed Yiyeon into the room and seemed about to turn away, but then whirred back around. Faced with his master’s [Read on]rebuke, Yiyeon didn’t dare say another word; he wrapped the blanket around himself and sat down on the warm spot on the floor. Hyunhak nodded vigorously, looking satisfied.

“I’ll be back.”

“That’s fine, My Lord.”

After what had happened last time, Hyunhak felt uneasy about leaving Yiyeon alone. They had agreed to stick together no matter what, but now he needed to be separated from Yiyeon for a moment. Hyunhak felt the same way, so he reassured the hesitant Yiyeon.

“If you’re scared, just scream. I’ll come running right away.”

“Yes. I’ll scream as loud as I can.”

It wasn’t that far to the valley, and as Hyunhak had said, if he screamed with all his might, it would certainly be heard from that distance. Since they weren’t one and the same, how could they possibly stay together every minute, every second, without ever parting even slightly?

His inner turmoil ran deep, and there were times when his judgment clouded, causing him to completely lose control of himself. But even so, he didn’t want to be a burden holding Hyunhak back.

As the gaps in Yiyeon’s memory had gradually filled in, Yiyeon now knew that the events weren’t as horrific as he had initially feared, but that didn’t mean what happened that day was insignificant. Regardless of whether he was violated or not, such an incident should never have happened in the first place, not to any human being, and certainly not among ordinary people.

Considering what he had gone through, Yiyeon was still managing to pull himself together well. He should have been suffering much more, but because he had matured far too early, he was all too quick to tuck his pain away and swallow it down, just as one would swallow bitter medicine.

Part of it was the compulsion to shake off his troubles and get back to work diligently, but another part was the realization that Hyunhak was enduring various inconveniences because of him, and that he had neither a reason nor an obligation to make special accommodations for someone with his problems. Thus, like a simple yet resilient wildflower, Yiyeon was stoically weathering this harsh period in his own way.

Given the circumstances, even though Yiyeon repeatedly told him he was being overprotective and not to worry about him, Hyunhak would always assure him, “I’ll be back,” except when he left early in the morning while he was still asleep. Finally, when Yiyeon reluctantly agreed, Hyunhak only then turned the doorknob.

Once Hyunhak’s presence had completely faded, Yiyeon untied the blanket he had wrapped around himself. Although it was his duty as a servant to go and clean up afterward, he was so confused by the sensation that had followed him all the way from the valley that he needed a moment to collect his thoughts.

As soon as they stepped onto dry land,l, they turned their backs to each other and changed their clothes. Perhaps living in the mountains had granted him some foresight; it was a relief that he had packed not only his own clothes but also Hyunhak’s spare set.

He didn’t know what state of mind he was in, or how he managed to walk back. Deep down, he was afraid Hyunhak might say something, and yet, at the same time, he was afraid because he said nothing.

‘It was exactly as I feared…’

They both had the same thing hanging between their legs, and he knew its function all too well to pretend not to notice or mistake it for something else. Despite all his pretensions of nobility, ​stolen content​it wasn’t the first time another man’s penis had brushed against his buttocks. So there was no way he could have mistaken it.

He’d been with Hyunhak all day; if he’d been carrying a scabbard between his legs, he would’ve known. And besides, a scabbard that size would’ve been obvious to anyone. So no matter how many times he mulled it over, there was only one answer.

The young master’s thing had clearly touched Yiyeon’s buttocks.

At the time, he was so startled that his mind went blank, but in a way, that was a blessing. If he had screamed or reacted the way he had toward Young Master Seo or Dusoe, Yiyeon would never have been able to look Hyunhak in the eye again. And given that he had resolved to endure whatever Hyunhak might do, he simply could not allow himself to react that way.

Although he was startled, and shocked, it wasn’t as repulsive or horrific as Young Master Seo’s behavior. No, on the contrary, he acted with more boldness than he’d expected, it was even commendable. After all, even a seasoned courtesan would likely be startled and faint if her buttocks suddenly touched something like that.

Setting aside his own reaction, the more he reflected on the situation, the less he understood it. Hyunhak was a completely different person from the ruffians who had been making advances on him. Far from staring at him with a lecherous gaze, he treated him with the utmost care, as if he were the most fragile thing in the world, and Yiyeon knew this better than anyone.

Could Hyunhak be lusting after him? Wouldn’t even harboring such a suspicion be worthy of divine punishment? It simply couldn’t be true.

“What could My Lord possibly want… from someone like me?”

Whether men or women, Yiyeon had been the object of lust countless times, exposed to mocking stares. If Hyunhak’s gaze had been like tstolen contentheirs, he would have noticed immediately.

To Yiyeon, Hyunhak was a pure soul, untouched by the world’s grime. Whether he was changing his bandages, tying his sash, or even after what happened today, Yiyeon had never sensed even a hint of such intent in Hyunhak’s gaze. Compared to Hyunhak, he himself was…

“How ridiculous. After showing myself to him like that, he must find me repulsive.”

So that meant he felt discomfort between his legs for some other reason.

Yiyeon was a man too. Whether he wanted it or not, he would occasionally experience the natural physical reactions that every man goes through, whether from getting overly excited while hunting or upon waking up early in the morning.

Since he was born a man, it was only natural for that to happen. Furthermore, although Yiyeon himself had never experienced it– because he had been so fearful of harming himself that he had long regarded even his body’s natural reactions as sinful and turned away from them –he knew that when a physically healthy man practices abstinence for a long time, his desires accumulate, and he may react to even trivial things, leading to awkward situations.

“That’s understandable. There’s no way to know how long he’s been alone in these remote mountains…”

Yiyeon rubbed his forehead with the palm of his hand. That vivid sensation simply wouldn’t fade, and though he wanted to stop thinking about it, it kept coming back to him.

‘It usually calm down when you’re plunged into cold water.’

But it doesn’t just calm down, when it’s cold, it actually gets even smaller than usual. But the young master…

“Enough! I have to stop thinking about this. What are you thinking?”

Yiyeon scolded himself and shook his head vigorously, but the thought that had taken root refused to die down. After all, he wasn’t some pubescent boy just discovering his sexuality.

Yiyeon chuckled wryly. A pubescent boy? He’d barely managed to avoid a major scandal, but he knew everything there was to know. Yiyeon had been violated dozens of times, with words, with hands, with glances, and in his thoughts. No one could say he was still innocent or pure. Not even Yiyeon himself.

What if Hyunhak were to ask him to do such a thing? What was the point of worrying about it? He had already promised himself and Hyunhak that he would do whatever he asked of him. He would accept it.

Still, he didn’t think he could act as if it were no big deal. He would be afraid. He might even cry. Perhaps, when faced with it, he might even faint.

However, if that time ever came, Yiyeon would not push Hyunhak away but would willingly offer himself to him.

He couldn’t say it was purely because of that promise. [unauthorized copy]Though it was a feeling buried deep down, he felt that if it were Hyunhak, it might be all right.

At that moment, Yiyeon covered his lips with the back of his hand at the thought that had crossed his mind. No, he suppressed it, so that he wouldn’t dare voice the subversive thoughts he harbored.

***

– Caw, caw, caw!

“What a useless thing. Where was he when I needed him? And now he shows up out of nowhere, just to let out that bizarre screech.”

Hyunhak looked up at the sky where black birds were flying, and instead of gathering the laundry he’d left by the water’s edge, he stripped off all his clothes.

Stripped bare as in the beginning of time, Hyunhak plunged into the deep water. His body, intricately woven as if crafted with the utmost nobility in this world, drew graceful curves as it was sucked into the crystal-clear water.

After diving deep enough for his face to touch the bottom and surfacing again, Hyunhak roughly grabbed the hair wrapped around his body and swept it back. Only now did the seething turmoil inside him seem to subside a little.

– Caw, caw.

“Where’ve you been?”

– Why are you picking a fight? You’re the one who’s been too busy playing around with the human.

“I had something to ask you.”

– Hmm, no doubts it’s about humans again.

Hyunhak, who had been taking his frustration out on Zao, scowled and fell silent when he was called out on it.

– The white thing is gone.

“The white thing? Why did you go there?”

Hyunhak raised an eyebrow at Zao’s out-of-the-blue remark. He reflexively asked in a curt tone, but when he realized he didn’t need an answer, he waved his hand dismissively. As his wet hand swish[Read on]ed through the air, water splashed in all directions.

Zao, who had landed on a rock near Hyunhak, spread his wings and shook himself like a wet dog when the droplets Hyunhak had flung hit his feathers.

He must have been peeking around that house by the pond where the crape myrtle tree– the one he’d visited earlier with the crystal bead –was reflected. Although Zao never explained why, he did things like that from time to time.

It wasn’t exactly a big deal that Zao had gone there, but the mention that the white thing had disappeared bothered him a little. But he figured nothing serious could have happened.

“I guess he just went to play somewhere for a bit.”

– That whole place is just strange.

“What’s so strange about it? It was perfectly fine when I was there not long ago.”

“It’s only been a few days since I was there, what major change could have happened in that time?” Hyunhak snorted derisively.

– It just smells unfamiliar, and, well, something’s wrong.

“So suddenly?”

It was not like this white thing had been acting strange for just a day or two. Zao felt that something was wrong, but Hyunhak, who was preoccupied with something even stranger and more intriguing, didn’t think much of it. Since Hyunhak’s reaction was so lackluster, Zao also stopped preening his feathers and asked.

– So, what were you going to ask?