VSP 192

What if he walked in and found the two of them doing it? Would he be able to hold back and not kill Lee Dohun?

What if Sejun didn’t answer the phone because he was in the middle of it and too distracted? The image became more and more vivid: Sejun, naked, wearing the expression Dogyeong loved, his face contorted with pleasure. And on top of him was Lee Dohun, and then, and then…

‘Dohun-ah.’

“Fuck.”

Just thinking about that voice, which had always called out his name, saying Lee Dohun’s name made his stomach churn with the urge to smash everything to pieces.

As soon as he stepped out of the elevator, Dogyeong headed for Sejun’s place.

He punched the door lock code, and when he stepped inside, the house was quiet.

“…What’s going on?”

Sejun, who had been lying on the living room sofa, was confused by Dogyeong’s sudden intrusion. Sejun’s attitude made Dogyeong’s even angrier.

“Where’s Lee Dohun?”

“Huh?”

Without waiting for Sejun’s answer, Dogyeong ransacked the house like a madman.

Sejun was dumbfounded. He looked at his back as he opened every door, from the bedrooms to the bathroom and even the walk-in closet.

What is going on?

Sejun sighed.

“Why are you looking for Lee Dohun at my house?”

At those words, Dogyeong turned around to face Sejun.

“Didn’t you two go out together?”

“Oh.”

They had gone out together. Sejun tilted his head, wondering how that had reached Cha Dogyeong’s ears.

“That’s true, but I didn’t bring him home.”

“Ha, did you two do it somewhere else?”

“What?”

Sejun frowned. In the end, Dogyeong failed to find any trace of Dohun and demanded,

“Why didn’t you answer your phone?”

“Phone?”

Oh, right. Where did I put my phone?

He’d simply left it somewhere after the battery died.

Dogyeong grew even more furious at his nonchalant attitude.

“Seo Sejun, isn’t this crossing a line?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I spent all that time training you. You can’t just hand yourself over to some other bastard.”

He had no idea what he was talking about.

Sejun frowned. Cha Dogyeong had never acted this recklessly before. Why was he suddenly doing this?

Why…

As that thought crossed his mind, Sejun froze, startled by a sudden realization.

He’d been dismissing that possibility, but if that wasn’t the case, there was no other reason Cha Dogyeong would be acting like this. The way he’d mentioned Lee Dohun and searched the apartment for him only reinforced it.

With a blank expression, Sejun asked,

“…Did you run over here because you thought I’d slept with Lee Dohun?”

“What? Isn’t that obvious?”

“Isn’t that obvious?” Cha Dogyeong still didn’t realize the flaw in his own words.

Dogyeong, Dogyeong, do you even know what you’re saying right now? Sejun barely managed not to laugh as he replied.

“I didn’t.”

“What?”

“I said I didn’t.”

Cha Dogyeong fell silent. Even if he really needed a man, Sejun didn’t just let anyone into his house. Cha Dogyeong didn’t seem to know that yet, though.

“It’s true I was thinking about doing it… but I just wasn’t into it, and I felt like it wasn’t right, so I called it off.”

Thanks to that, Lee Dohun got really annoyed.

But as he spoke, a smile appeared on his face. He said this while desperately holding back his laughter.

“You’re the only one who’s ever slept with me, Dogyeong.”

Cha Dogyeong was silent for a while.

Stiff as a statue, he processed all those words very slowly.

Only after some time passed did Dogyeong realize his own embarrassment, and his face began to flush slightly.

“…Haa.”

His complex emotions were clearly visible on his pale face.

Instead of teasing him as he usually would, Sejun stared at Dogyeong.

“Cha Dogyeong, why are you angry?”

Why am I angry? Well, I thought Sejun was sleeping with another man, how could I not be angry?

As he thought that far, Dogyeong also realized what Sejun was getting at.

Seo Sejun sleeps with Lee Dohun, and Cha Dogyeong gets angry.

…That’s strange. Why am I getting angry about that?

They only slept together occasionally. Usually when Sejun started going off track before an important mission, or when they signed a contract, and things somehow led there.

Even that arrangement was strange when he thought about it, but without reasons like those, they wouldn’t have had a reason to sleep together.

Dogyeong was having a hard time fully understanding his own emotions, which were all over the place.

As Dogyeong remained silent with a confused expression, Sejun made the first move.

When Sejun wrapped his arms around Dogyeong’s waist and buried his head against his chest, Dogyeong grew even more awkward than before. Sejun let out a sigh.

“Dogyeong, Cha Dogyeong. Can’t we just be honest with each other for a moment?”

He should have asked, “About what?” but his voice wouldn’t come out. Like a mermaid stranded on dry land, Dogyeong lost his voice, so Sejun spoke again.

“You might not know this, but I really tried my hardest.”

To survive, to see this story through to the end, to keep you from just disappearing, I… I tried so hard.

I tried so hard to be happy with you.

It felt like saying any more would make him sound too pathetic, so Sejun held back.

“Cha Dogyeong.”

“What?”

Only then did Dogyeong finally speak. Sejun buried his nose in Dogyeong’s chest and mumbled.

“I’m anxious.”

It wasn’t just anxiety, he was scared. The words he couldn’t bring himself to say honestly vanished from his mouth.

“I’m afraid that if things just fizzle out, without us ever becoming a real couple, I’ll lose you again.”

Dogyeong, who had never once left Sejun’s side, frowned, but Sejun continued.

“We have to see the ending for this story to end, and for us to be completely free.”

“……”

“I’m scared that ending might not be a happy one.”

Sejun laid everything out honestly. But to Dogyeong, most of it sounded like nonsense.

The embarrassment he’d felt from realizing he’d caused a scene because he thought Sejun had unauthorized copy slept with Lee Dohun vanished in an instant, replaced by a tinge of pain brought on by Sejun’s words.

Dogyeong didn’t know why he was feeling that way either, but in that moment, he felt the urge to hug Sejun.

“What are you talking about? Speak clearly.”

But instead of saying that, he chose to push Sejun away coldly.

After being snubbed by Seo Sejun countless times and subjected to what amounted to bullying, he felt it was wiser to focus on the coolness of reason rather than his heated emotions.

“I like you.”

But Seo Sejun was a far tougher opponent than Cha Dogyeong. As always.

“I love you, Cha Dogyeong.”

And he was the type who preferred going straight ahead rather than beating around the bush.

Dogyeong couldn’t catch his breath for a single moment under the barrage of confessions that left him breathless.

He likes me?

He loves me?

Who? Seo Sejun loves Cha Dogyeong?

……Does that even make sense?

“I want us to be happy too.”

As if Dogyeong’s confusion had nothing to do with him, Sejun continued speaking.

Us, happy.

Just as the word “love” between Seo Sejun and Cha Dogyeong was nonsensical, those two words also felt completely out of place. Yet, Dogyeong was unable to immediately cut him off and ask what kind of nonsense he was saying.

But that didn’t mean he could accept it with a cheerful smile either.

“What about you?”

Faced with that question and his gaze, Dogyeong stood there for a long time, unable to pull Sejun closer or push him away.

That day, Dogyeong ultimately couldn’t bring himself to answer.

***

A few days later, it rained so much it felt as if a hole had been punched through the sky.

At first, it looked like sleet was falling, but before it could turn to snow, it became rain. As he watched it, Sejun had a very sentimental thought.

Ah, just like love that never takes shape, falling ambiguously before eventually melting away pitifully, that’s exactly like me and Cha Dogyeong.

“You’re being so melodramatic, it doesn’t suit you.”

Ruya was grossed out, but Sejun decided he needed to comfort himself, so he wrapped his arms around his shoulders and flopped down on the cold floor in front of the window.

Then he thought:

What even counts as an ending?

Does a giant ‘Complete’ floating in the air count as an ending? Or the word ‘The End’?

Then what is this ending?

One person confessed, but the other stubbornly said nothing and it just ended like that.

“Ah, could this mean I got rejected?”

Ruya asked incredulously,

“You’re just figuring that out now?”

Only then did Sejun realize he’d been rejected.

Wow, I got rejected by Dogyeong.

He’d never confessed to anyone before, nor had he ever been rejected, so it was a very unfamiliar experience. It wasn’t exactly pleasant.

“Does that bastard only care about my body? I guess my body is pretty amazing.”

As he rolled around on the floor, engaging in self-praise as naturally as breathing, Sejun was once again lost in thought.

“I’ve heard there are things like ‘merry-bad’ besides ‘happy’ and ‘sad.’ Is this one of those?”

Sejun tilted his head.

I know that it’s “bad,” but I’m not sure if it’s “merry.” So is this just a “bad ending” or a “sad ending”?

Is it “bad” because it’s not sad? Oh, wait, is that even the point?

As Sejun thought about this, he started to feel sleepy.

Ah, lying down really does make you sleepy.