AOA 125

“Do you think you deserve to cry?”

I was still sitting on the floor and hit my head. Now was not the time to cry. I had to pull myself together and prepare at least one more thing.

But once the tears started, grief came in waves. I told myself it was my fault, that crying would not fix anything, but I could not calm down.

I bent forward right where I was sitting and just cried out loud. For now, I would just cry. Being able to cry when I wanted to was also a blessing. I only needed to cheer up after I cried enough.

I cried until my head felt blank, then I suddenly heard the sound of the lock opening. I noticed it, but I could not react. I had no will to do anything.

“What are you…?”

I heard Baek Mugyeong’s voice, and slowly lifted my upper body. As expected, Baek Mugyeong was really standing there.

Why was Baek Mugyeong here? Hadn’t he left?

Through tear-blurred eyes I blinked, and only then realized the man before me was real. That was when I remembered I had been crying like a lunatic. I immediately came back to my senses. My face must have been a mess, covered with tears and snot.

I quickly bowed my head and wiped my face. My palms came away damp.

“D-Didn’t you leave?”

“Who hit you?”

“What?”

“There is a handprint on your left cheek. Who is hitting you?”

Baek Mugyeong, with an arrogant face, pointed at one side of my face with his chin. I rubbed my left cheek in confusion. I had been hit by my biological father, but I had not realized it left a handprint.

“A handprint?”

“Do I need to say it three times?”

“That… my father…”

“I knew it.”

Even he knew the only person who would hit me was my father. Baek Mugyeong’s face distorted.

“As you heard, grandfather did not say we had to divorce right away. The divorce will take at least another month.”

“That…”

“What more do you need?”

“No. That is enough. I will take care of the rest myself. I… I will stay at this hotel over the weekend. Not in the same room, I will book another room. We probably won’t run into each other, but just in case, I am telling you first.”

I could not tell Baek Mugyeong to quit living in the hotel and return home. This way, if I came and went from the hotel, I could always make an excuse to my father.

This was the best choice. Once more I looked up at Baek Mugyeong from my kneeling position.

It was not the first time I had shown him my crying face. Shame only lasted a moment. Even in this situation, seeing the handprint on my cheek, I found myself hoping Baek Mugyeong might pity me, that he might feel a little compassion for me.

But when I looked at him, my eyes grew hot again. This time, before the tears fell, I wiped them with both hands.

There was no need to keep my dignity in front of him, but if I showed him my crying face like a fool, he might get irritated.

I forced my eyes open and looked back at him. [unauthorized copy]The man ran a hand through his hair with his brows furrowed. That gesture was a good sign.

“You…”

Baek Mugyeong started to say something but closed his mouth. His furrowed brows showed what he was feeling.

“Do as you want.”

“Yes, thank you.”

“I blocked your number, so you won’t be able to reach me directly.”

Baek Mugyeong said and left the room again. I watched him until the end, and only after the door closed and a long time had passed did I let the strength out of my shoulders. As I sighed in relief, tears came again. It felt like my tear ducts were broken.

“Why again…”

I grumbled and wiped my tears again. I had gotten what I wanted, so I could not just sit there crying. I had to finish everything within a month.

I pushed strength into my legs and tried to stand. But when I tried to get up, my body faltered and I collapsed again.

It was so ridiculous I laughed. I had not thought crying once visit our site would drain my body of strength like this.

I took a deep breath. I had to leave quickly. If I happened to run into Baek Mugyeong again, I would want to drown myself in a dish of water.

After several deep breaths, I slowly stood. This time too my body staggered, but I managed to keep my balance.

Now I had to move.

*

My face was a mess, but I left the room without washing. People I passed in the elevator looked startled, but I ignored them.

I got into the car, but instead of starting it right away, I called Choi Jaeha’s grandmother, Lee Heejeong. I apologized for contacting her so late, then asked her the exact date when my aunt would be coming to Korea.

It had not been long since I learned that my maternal grandmother and aunt lived in the United States. I only heard that my aunt would come to see me at the end of this month.

Before the regression, I had not even known they existed. I tried not to expect anything from them. According to Lee Heejeong, they had searched for me a lot, but I could not know how they felt now.

That was why, even after receiving their contact information, I did not reach out. I did not know exactly when my aunt, who was said to be busy, would come to Korea. I decided to set up a meeting only after she arrived.

Lee Heejeong said it was good to be careful and stood by me. She laughed and added that my grandmother and aunt visit our sitehad the same nature, and that blood could not be hidden.

Back then I let it pass, but now things were different. Just like when I knelt and begged Baek Mugyeong, I had to plead with my aunt for help.

With help from a local overseas, many things would become easier. It was shameless, but now was not the time to worry about pride.

Lee Heejeong did not ask what was wrong. Instead, she told me my aunt would arrive in Korea on Wednesday, the week after next. I asked her to pass along that I wanted to meet as soon as possible, then ended the call.

After finishing the most urgent task, I went straight home.

It was already well past nine at night. Oh Huisuk had already left work, so the house was empty.

I took off my shoes and went straight to the first-floor bathroom. The face in the mirror was a mess. Tear stains everywhere, and just as Baek Mugyeong had said, a clear handprint on my left cheek. It felt more ridiculous than miserable. Things like this really did happen in the world, I told myself, and letting it go that way was better for my mental health.

I washed my face and went straight to the kitchen. I had already told Oh Huisuk I would be late, so dinner was in the fridge.

I thought I had to eat something to have strength, so I devoured the prepared dinner with determination. All the while, I searched for the information I needed on my phone.

Whether it was because I had steeled myself, because I was agitated, or just because carbohydrates were kicking in, I was more focused than before. I wrote down on my phone the list of tasks I needed to do while sitting there.

“Once I get out of Korea, I will be fine.”

It was a murmur meant to push down my anxiety. My words echoed in the air.

It was nothing special. But the moment I realized I was alone in the house, a shiver ran down my spine. Holding my phone, I slowly looked around.

I was eating dinner not at the dining table but at the island in the kitchen. If I turned my head, I could see the living room and the front door.

It was late in the evening, but the house was bright with every light on. It was a familiar sight. Yet somehow it felt empty.

The only time I thought the house was big was when I first came here before the regression. Back then, I had worried if it was alright for just two people to live in such a big house. I had even checked the electricity bill out of curiosity about how much heating and cooling costs would be.

Slowly, I got used to the large, unfamiliar house. But tonight it suddenly felt like I had been abandoned alone in an empty space.

At the same time, I felt anxious. My head grew dizzy, and before I knew it, tears fell again.

“Ah…”

I let out a short word, I didn’t know if it was an exclamation or a groan, and wiped my tears. I was surprised that stress could affect a person’s mind this much. Even though I knew in my head I was safe, being alone frightened me.

I suddenly remembered the time the police had called saying Baek Mugyeong ​visit our site​had been in a car accident. At the same time, I recalled his corpse lying pale.

I thought I understood why Baek Mugyeong had said he wanted to move not long ago. Probably because he had no good memories here.

A cold and powerless feeling filled my whole body. I had already experienced what it was like to sink down like that. Struggling in a sea of depression was both sad and exhausting.

“Get a hold of yourself.”

To drive out the negative emotions, I slapped both of my cheeks. The sting snapped me awake. The side my biological father had hit hurt even more.

There was no room to fall into depression. If I was going to leave Korea soon, I had to keep busy.

*

I was in a rush, but I did not panic.

I made plans one by one, in line with the date of my younger brother’s surgery, which was the most important matter. There were only so many things I could do in one month. Emigrating to another country was impossible. Even looking into schools for my brother was difficult.

So I focused on preparing for real risks. Most of all, I had to find a way to keep my biological father from taking my money.

Knowing him, he would not only seize it by [unauthorized copy]force but would also find ways to freeze my bank account.

Instead of fretting alone, I looked for an expert. Through Choi Jaeha’s introduction, I sought help from a lawyer.