GRR 104

As if he had already received a definitive answer to the question he couldn’t bring himself to voice, his throat began to sting. While Jion helplessly bit his lip, Kwon Chasa, who had been staring at the register the whole time, slammed it shut. He closed his eyes and then opened them, then turned his gaze not to Jion but to Yu Chasa.

“Is it because of the child that she wants to stay in this world?”

“Ah, yes. I think so. The child is in an orphanage right now. She just kept crying, asking what would happen to the child if she left.”

Kwon Chasa was silent for a moment, as if searching through memories of the past. Then, after a long while, unable to bear the gaze fixed on him, he looked at Jion. His eyes were red, looking as if he might burst into tears at any moment, which was painful to see. But Kwon Chasa couldn’t bring himself to do anything.

As a strange tension filled the air, Yu Chasa glanced between the two of them. Under normal circumstances, he would have studied Kwon Chasa’s expression more closely, but today his gaze kept drifting toward Jion.

“Um… should I move over…?”

Yu Chasa said with an awkward smile. Kwon Chasa slowly exhaled and shook his head.

“Let’s finish talking about work.”

Yu Chasa, who had been fidgeting in his seat, sat back down obediently at Kwon Chasa’s words. However, because he was concerned about Jion, Yu Chasa continued glancing toward Jion. Kwon Chasa placed the register on the table and said,

“Something similar happened before. It’s been over ten years, though.”

As his soft voice drifted out, Jion and Yu Chasa’s gazes immediately turned to Kwon Chasa. He tapped the armrest of the sofa with his fingertips in a steady rhythm. Jion resented Kwon Chasa for not sparing him even a glance and kept his eyes fixed on his knees.

“That soul was a mother, too. Since she’d been lingering in this world for over a year, so she held out very stubbornly.”

At those words, Jion had to lift his head again and look at Kwon Chasa. A soul who had stayed in this world for over a year, who was stubbornness, who was a mother. Since his own mother had been the same, all his attention was immediately drawn to Kwon Chasa’s words.

By now, Yu Chasa had straightened his posture and was listening to Kwon Chasa.

“I suppose there were many such deceased people in the past as well.”

“Not as many as there are now, but they did occur occasionally. That particular soul was also involved in an incident, so Yeomra Palace was in an uproar. It wasn’t until over a year after that person’s death that we received the register.”

“Ah… So they were omitted, like Jo Yunkyung?”

“It wasn’t a simple omission. Back then, too, Sobyeolwang had been drinking himself silly and twisted things however he pleased. I think they said the lifespan originally granted to that deceased person’s child was short.”

“Why does the Jade Emperor keep letting Sobyeolwang get away with it? He’s caused trouble before, and he’s still causing trouble now…”

“It’s just a headache to question every little thing. Back then, I just did my duty as Yeomra ordered. Samsin was [stolen content]wreaking havoc all over the underworld and the heavens, so Yeomra was on edge too.”

Jion kept his lips tightly sealed and said nothing. He simply listened to their conversation while keeping his eyes fixed on the register.

Once the deceased whose name was written in that register had gone to the underworld, Kwon Chasa would leave this place completely. Yu Chasa would still come and go to the living world, but Kwon Chasa said he would remain in the underworld from now on.

He had confessed his feelings for him so many times. And in the end, Kwon Chasa even told him he liked him too…

Jion kept feeling hurt by him, as he didn’t even say a single sweet word, like saying that although he would stay in the underworld forever, he might come to the living world to see him once in a while.

Jion knew it was not Kwon Chasa’s fault. He had already known this relationship had an expiration date and had spoken of “the end” before. It was Jion who refused to let go.

Even though he knew all this, he continued biting his lip, afraid that if he opened his mouth, he would say something harsh.

“I think that as long as the child’s safety is guaranteed, the soul might be able to leave with peace of mind… Why don’t you, Jion, make your wish first?”

“…….”

“Jion?”

“…Yes?”

He was so busy suppressing his emotions that he hadn’t even heard what Yu Chasa said to him. When he finally lifted his head and looked across from him, Yu Chasa was staring at him. Only then did Jion offer an awkward smile.

“…I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you clearly.”

“No, there’s no need to apologize…”

Yu Chasa glanced nervously at Kwon Chasa and smiled. Kwon Chasa observed the situation for a moment before standing up and looking at Jion.

“I’ll take you home. Get up.”

Only then did Jion look up at Kwon Chasa. His heart ached at the blank expression, which made it impossible to tell what he was thinking. However, unlike his expression, the voice saying he would take him home was softened and even sounded affectionate.

After confirming that Jion had stood up, Kwon Chasa took the first step. Jion gave Yu Chasa a brief bow before following Kwon Chasa out. After quickly crossing the garden and standing in front of the main gate, Kwon Chasa held out his hand to Jion, who was following behind.

“……”

Jion lowered his gaze and looked at his firm hand. Instead of urging him to take it, Kwon Chasa waited patiently for him. He didn’t forcefully grab his hand, nor did he push it forward again to hurry him.

With his lips pursed, Jion finally placed his hand on top of Kwon Chasa’s after a long moment. As the warmth ​Read on​enveloped his hand, the tears he had been struggling to hold back felt as though they might burst forth at any moment.

Once they stepped through the gate and arrived at the building in a single stride, Kwon Chasa slowly let go of Jion’s hand. However, he didn’t urge him to go inside right away.

Jion clenched his fists and finally managed to speak.

“…Are you fine, Chasa-nim?”

Not fully understanding the meaning of his words, Kwon Chasa frowned and tilted his head slightly. Jion lifted his gaze from the ground and stared at Kwon Chasa’s face.

“If you go to the underworld, I won’t be able to see you again. Are you fine with that?”

“……”

“You really don’t mind?”

He tried his best to maintain his composure, but he voice trembled. As his chest tightened and he exhaled the breath he’d taken in, Kwon Chasa’s voice reached his ears shortly after.

“Of course I’ll mind.”

His calm voice was lower than ever before. A bittersweet smile appeared on Kwon Chasa’s face, and Jion took in the sight with his stinging eyes.

It was an expression he’d never seen before, and a voice he’d never heard. Everything surrounding Kwon Chasa right now felt completely unfamiliar to Jion.

“But as time goes by… someday, it’ll be fine.”

“……”

“You’ll be the same way. You’ll forget faster and more easily than I did.”

“……”

“You have so many new memories to make from now on. That’ll make it easy to forget.”

His voice, as if he had realized everything a very long time ago and resigned himself to it, felt unfamiliar. That was why Jion could not refute it.

The realization that had finally come to him weighed on Jion’s heart. He might have only just understood the meaning of that “end,” but Kwon Chasa had known everything from the very beginning. Because of his status as a grim reaper receiving punishment from Yeomra at the boundary between life and death, he might have thought and agonized over things far more than Jion, a mere human. That was why he scolded him, telling him he was just confused and to stop talking nonsense.

Jion felt like a fool for having been so blindly happy just because he heard those words of affection. The words Kwon Chasa used to push his feelings away might have been ones he repeated to himself over and over. The thought that making him acknowledge those feelings might have been nothing but torment for him made it impossible for Jion to lift his head.

As Kwon Chasa said, Jion was living the life he had been given, and he had many memories yet to make. As one memory piled upon another, some were bound [stolen content]to fade. Even memories considered precious lost their luster as time passed, making them impossible to recall clearly.

Jion’s memories with his mother were like that too. Since they were from his childhood, there might be even more limitations, but no matter how hard he tried not to forget them, there was nothing he could do to stop them from gradually fading away. Even though his feelings for Kwon Chasa were so overwhelming right now that he felt he would never be able to forget them, as more memories were layered on top of them, they would slowly fade.

But Kwon Chasa was different. He had spent so much time performing tasks that were almost a repetitive cycle of collecting souls and traveling to and from hells. He held onto memories of the distant past as if they were treasures. This might be partly due to the punishment imposed by Yeomra, but it was also likely because he had not been able to make new memories.

How would the time they spent together and the emotions they felt remain in Kwon Chasa’s memory? If those memories remained vivid for a very long time, like his past live, would they be nothing but pleasant? Would there be times when they would feel stifling and sad? It might take an agonizingly long time, so long that he had to let everything sink down and give up.