GRR 85
Jion’s eyes widened upon hearing Kwon Chasa’s voice. The words “It’s not your fault” were exactly what he had said to Seon Ayoung. He should have been happy that he shared his thoughts, but it left a bitter taste in his mouth.
It was because, even though he knew how to tell others that it wasn’t their fault, Kwon Chasa himself still seemed to blame himself for everything.
Jion watched as Seon Ayoung buried her face between her knees again. Her small body trembled slightly.
Even then, Jion’s gaze kept drifting back to Kwon Chasa. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact reason, whether it was because the atmosphere was so different from how he usually interacted with ghosts, or because Jion had just confessed his feelings to him. What was clear was that he wanted to get to know Kwon Chasa more.
He wanted to ask what his circumstances were, but he couldn’t bring himself to speak rashly.
It was then. Seon Ayoung turned her head to look at Kwon Chasa and spoke in a voice full of resentment.
“It’s not my fault, so why do I have to suffer?”
“……”
“If it’s not my fault, then the people who made me suffer should be the ones suffering more. If I didn’t even live out my full life, shouldn’t there have been no hardships that made me want to die? But why…”
Anger could be felt in her choked voice. It was quite different from her previous attitude, where she seemed to have given up on everything, claiming she had no attachment to life and did not even want to be reincarnated. After listening silently to Seon Ayoung, Kwon Chasa soon opened his mouth.
“The people who tormented you will be punished in one way or another. I can’t promise it will happen exactly as you wish, but their fates will all be equally miserable.”
Kwon Chasa had seen it with his own eyes, the fates of those who had falsely accused his father of treason. The mastermind, the most vicious of them all, had been killed by a trusted subordinate who betrayed him, and Kwon Chasa had personally reaped his soul and accompanied him on the journey to the afterlife. Thanks to that, he was able to watch from close range as the man suffered in the Fourth Hell, the Hell of Boiling Water.
He didn’t know what became of him after that. Even Yeomra had given up on reforming him and sent him on to the next hell, all he’d heard was that the man had eventually ended up in the final hell, the Hell of Darkness. It was a fitting consequence for someone who had killed so many people.
Kwon Chasa exhaled and looked at Seon Ayoung. Perhaps because he knew what he was about to say would make her feel small, his mouth felt dry and scratchy.
“…Wouldn’t it be better to forget all your memories of your past life and be reincarnated?”
“……”
“If the reason you don’t want to be reincarnated and live as a human again is because of what you’ve been through, then it’s simple. Living a new life without those memories is the best choice right now.”
If it were Seon Ayoung, she could forget all her past memories. But he couldn’t do that. He had to carry those memories with him for the rest of his life. Because he believed that was the only way to atone to his father and his family.
“Think it over carefully.”
As Kwon Chasa rose from his seat without a second thought, Jion looked up at him. Right now, Kwon Chasa weighed much heavier on his mind than Seon Ayoung. But he couldn’t bring himself to say a word to him.
“…Don’t just try to avoid it.”
After mumbling a phrase that might have been directed at himself, Kwon Chasa said no more. It stung and burned as if his mouth were filled with thorns.
Kwon Chasa clenched his hand over his aching abdomen once more, then forced a smile despite his furrowed brow. He avoided Jion’s gaze and silently reached out his hand. All he wanted was to take Jion home as soon as possible and return to his house to rest.
Jion stared at the hand extended toward him. He understood that he meant to take him home, but his heart felt heavy. However, Jion had no choice but to take his hand as he reached out again.
He could only hope that, through their hands, his concern for him would be conveyed, even if just a little.
***
After parting ways with the grim reapers without any significant results, Jion spent several days diligently searching through online news articles. He was hoping to find any reports about someone who might be Seon Ayoung.
While struggling due to a lack of clues, he managed to find one article that seemed to be about Seon Ayoung. The name was listed as “Miss A,” but as he read on, he grew more certain.
Although no suicide note was found and there were no signs of foul play, the article stated that authorities had concluded Miss A had taken her own life based on a neighbor’s account that she had been struggling since her mother’s passing, as well as testimonies from students at her school who claimed she had been a victim of bullying.
Jion lay face down on his desk. It was the first time he had ever felt such helplessness. Although he racked his brain, he couldn’t come up with any way to help Kwon Chasa, and he grew gloomy.
He wanted to help him. Not just with this case, but with everything he would have to resolve in the future. And also…
‘I died just like you. Because I didn’t want to live.’
‘I asked myself countless times, is it really necessary to live like this? What’s the point of living?’
He wanted to be of help to him, who had such thoughts a very long time ago.
When Kwon Chasa mentioned that he had committed a grave sin in the past, he couldn’t even begin to guess what that sin might have been. It would be more accurate to say he had absolutely no idea. More than anything, it was Kwon Chasa’s expression weighed on his mind the most at that time.
He missed him and wanted to talk more, but it wasn’t easy to even make an opportunity to see his face. Just as the bell signaling the break rang, Jion quickly took out his phone and sent a text message to Kwon Chasa. He couldn’t just sit idly by simply because it was difficult to create an opportunity.
[Chasa-nim, is there anything I can help you with today?]
He wondered when he would get a reply. Jion stared at his silent phone when he suddenly turned around, startled by a hand tapping his shoulder. Oh Hyunsoo had come over with a bag of potato chips in hand. Despite his sullen expression, Jion grabbed a handful of the chips.
“Hey, you…”
Oh Hyunsoo, who was about to burst with annoyance as the snacks disappeared in an instant, tilted his head after seeing Jion’s expression.
“Is something wrong?”
“Huh?”
“Why do you look like that? Is Grandpa not feeling well?”
For Oh Hyunsoo to even bring up Grandpa… Jion shook his head and nervously ran his fingertips over his face. He wondered if his expression looked that bad.
It was all because of Kwon Chasa, but Jion couldn’t confide anything to Oh Hyunsoo.
However, if he left out the subject and phrased it nicely, wouldn’t Oh Hyunsoo be able to roughly understand? If they put their heads together and thought it over, they might come up with a good solution.
Jion chewed on his potato chips as he pondered for a moment. His mouth itched to speak, but he feared that if he started talking, he’d get carried away and end up making a mistake without even realizing it. He couldn’t trust himself any more than he could trust Oh Hyunsoo.
“No… it’s just that today…”
Just as he’d decided to keep it to himself and was about to make up an excuse, his phone vibrated on the desk. Jion turned his gaze toward it, and his eyes widened.
[Nothing.]
Even seeing that one, indifferent word, made Jion smile. More than anything, the fact that he’d received a reply was what mattered. Oh Hyunsoo was confused by Jion’s face changing so abruptly.
Only then did Jion notice Oh Hyunsoo’s gaze. He bit down on the inside of his cheek to calm his flushed cheeks, then stood up.
“Where are you going?”
“To the bathroom.”
Jion replied half heartedly and ran out of the classroom faster than ever before. Instead of heading to the restroom, he headed toward the stairs. He dialed the number instead of replying to the text.
As he crossed the hallway, the ringing tone continued, making him feel a little anxious. But he didn’t give up. Just as he reached the stairs and grabbed the railing, the ringing stopped.
–What? I’m busy, so just get to the point.
The voice was cold, but Jion couldn’t help but laugh. If he were really busy and annoyed, he would have just ignored the call, but here he was. No matter how many times he thought about it, Kwon Chasa didn’t dislike him.
No, from Kwon Chasa’s perspective, it actually felt like he was going out of his way for him.
Jion took a deep breath and decided to do as he asked and get straight to the point.
“I miss you.”
When he told him what he wanted to do most right now, Kwon Chasa didn’t answer, he just laughed. He seemed a bit exasperated. But Jion didn’t back down. Since things had come to this, he decided to be a little more shameless.
After all, he didn’t know when another chance like this would come along.
“Don’t you need my help today? I can really be of great help. I’m in great shape today, too.”
–I’m hanging up.
“Ah, no! Why are you in such a hurry! I really have something to say!”
As Kwon Chasa remained uncooperative, Jion’s voice rose in frustration. On the other end, he could hear him sigh. Meanwhile, Jion’s mind was racing faster than ever.
What should he bring up? How could he get Kwon Chasa’s attention? Jion chewed on his lip as he pondered.
Then, suddenly, a brilliant idea popped into his head. He would steer the conversation toward work.
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