GRR 92

There was no real reason for him to hide his past. But that didn’t mean he was proud enough of it to go blabbing about it everywhere. Besides, it might have been a cruel story for the still-young Jion to hear.

Jion might be shocked by his story, or disappointed, or even come to think the same way his younger sister did.

…Maybe it was for the best?

Perhaps that story would help Jion give up on him. If he knew what kind of person he used to be, he’d be so shocked and disappointed that he wouldn’t be able to look at him the same way anymore. In the meantime, if he hurried up and finished his business and returned, the Jade Emperor would erase Jion’s memories.

In many ways, he felt it would be better to tell Jion his story. Kwon Chasa clenched his fist tightly and opened his mouth.

“I killed my own father with my own hands.”

“……”

“My father was falsely accused of being the mastermind of a rebellion, and because of that, our entire family was about to be wiped out.”

His abdomen throbbed as he spoke, but it wasn’t unbearable. He took a deep breath and stared silently ahead. This was the first time he had ever truly confided this story to anyone.

“My father told me to kill him and use that to my advantage. He said if things continued as they were, we’d all die.”

“…….”

“At the time, I thought there was no other choice. So when the royal troops stormed into the house, I took my father’s life with my own hands. Fortunately, my mother and younger sister were spared… When I came to my senses, I found himself transformed into a loyal subject, one who had killed his own father, the mastermind of the rebellion.”

Since the king at the time was not the eldest son, there had been much speculation from the moment he ascended the throne. Moreover, he was still young, so his mother ruled on his behalf, and because he was constantly manipulated by his maternal relatives, he was unable to carry out his own will, which caused him to suffer from mental anguish. At times, this manifested outwardly as madness.

The only person who stood by the king and served him with utmost devotion was his father. Naturally, the factions that sought to control the country as they pleased could not help but resent him. Whenever the king accepted his father’s loyal counsel and attempted to govern the country, they raised their voices in opposition.

After this happened several times, they changed their strategy and falsely accused his father of plotting a rebellion. They claimed the Grand Censor was constantly looking for an opportunity to stab the king in the back, pretending to offer advice while actually plotting a rebellion.

“My mother was so shocked that she passed away shortly after. My sister blamed me. She said we should all have died instead, asking what the point of living like this was, and that if I hadn’t made that choice back then, our family wouldn’t have become this miserable.”

Kwon Chasa unclenched his fist and looked at his palm. It felt as though his father’s warm, sticky blood was still soaking his hand. Even as his last breath left him, his father was smiling. As if he were praising him for doing the right thing.

“After that, I didn’t last much longer myself. As you know, I took my own life.”

If he’d known it would end up like that, he wouldn’t have killed his father with his own hands. It was a choice that left him with nothing but regret, but it had already become a distant memory. A past event that was useless to regret.

“Is there anything else you’re curious about…?”

He was just about to ask Jion if there was anything else he wanted to know, telling him he’d tell him anything today. But Kwon Chasa’s words trailed off at the sound of a sudden sniffle. Only then did he turn to look at him, and saw Jion biting his lip. Kwon Chasa stopped in his tracks as Jion did.

Jion raised his hand and rubbed his eyes vigorously with the back of his hand. The force was so intense it looked painful to watch, visit our site so without hesitation, he reached out and grabbed his wrist.

When Jion looked up at him in bewilderment, Kwon Chasa shook his head slightly. Jion’s lashes, now damp with tears, fluttered. Kwon Chasa felt a heavy ache in the pit of his chest.

When Kwon Chasa released his wrist, Jion’s arm fell limply to his side. He took a deep breath and managed to speak.

“Did you… think it was all your fault?”

Kwon Chasa nodded slightly in response to the question asked in a trembling voice. Jion then bit his lower lip. His expression clearly showed his displeasure.

“Why….”

“…….”

“…You had no choice back then.”

He had expected him to be shocked and disappointed, but Jion took his side. He watched him press his palms against his eyes instead of rubbing them with the backs of his hands. He couldn’t help but laugh, a sound that was out of place in the somber atmosphere.

Even if he liked him, he didn’t need to take his side. Kwon Chasa met Jion’s gaze as he stared up at him once more and spoke calmly.

“If I had thought things through more carefully back then, maybe that wouldn’t have happened. If I had made a different choice, maybe my mother and younger sister wouldn’t have suffered.”

“……”

“It’s all in the past now, and it’s been so long, so there’s nothing I can do about it at this point.”

Tears welled up in Jion’s eyes once again. There was no reason for Jion to be heartbroken over his affairs, nor to think about them as deeply or feel as sorry for them as if they were his own.

Without realizing it, Kwon Chasa reached out and gently wiped the tears from beneath Jion’s eyes with his thumb. The moment he thought he didn’t want to see Jion crying anymore, his hand had already reached out on its own. The warm moisture pooled in Jion’s eyes was fully absorbed by Kwon Chasa’s thumb.

He realized his mistake too late and pulled his hand back. Jion took a deep breath and exhaled, then looked at Kwon Chasa once more. Captivated by his eyes, now clear of tears, Kwon Chasa found himself unable to move.

“I don’t think it was your fault, Chasa-nim.”

It was a small voice that could easily have been drowned out by the street noise, but to Kwon Chasa’s ears, it rang out more clearly than ever before. The moment he heard Jion’s words, an intense ache gripped his abdomen, and at the same time, the sensation of his heart plummeting to the ground sent a tingling shock through his entire body.

Jion took another deep breath and looked at Kwon Chasa with eyes filled with determination.

“If I had been by your side back then, if I had known you… I would have said this.”

“…….”

“That you don’t have to shoulder everything alone… that it’s not your fault.”

Jion’s words, which felt strangely familiar, were the same ones he had once said to Seon Ayoung. The sensation he’d felt in his abdomen spread in an instant, making his whole body throb. But it no longer hurt.

Jion leaned toward Kwon Chasa and wrapped his arms around his waist. Jion’s heartbeat transmitted directly through their bodies. The pounding that he had initially believed was entirely Jion’s soon became a chaotic jumble, making it impossible to tell whether it was his or Jion’s.

But it didn’t take long to realize. His own heart was now beating just as fiercely as Jion’s.

Passersby hurrying along cast occasional glances at Jion and Kwon Chasa. But neither Kwon Chasa nor Jion had time to pay attention to those stares. The illusion that they were the only two people in this space at this very moment blinded them.

Jion, who had buried his face deep against Kwon Chasa’s chest, slowly lifted his head. At first, he was a little shy, but soon he smiled. His beautifully crinkled eyes and the soft curve of his lips seemed to be confessing his feelings all over again.

“I really, really like you.”

As if he could no longer hide it, or didn’t even want to, the single sentence Jion had blurted out lingered in his ears.

Kwon Chasa, who had been quietly gazing down at his smiling face, gave up entirely and let out a sigh of resignation. All his attempts to dissuade Jion felt futile. The weight of his feelings, far from frivolous and certainly not confusion, traveled through their touching bodies and reached Kwon Chasa in full.

He wished Jion would always smile like this. He wished he wouldn’t cry or get upset like he did earlier. He hoped Jion, who cared so deeply about others that he treated their problems as his own, would never have to suffer anymore, and he hoped he would never get entangled in anything bad because of his connection with ghosts.

When had this thought taken root inside him? It was a thought that came to mind naturally, as if it had always been there.

Kwon Chasa slowly moved his arms to embrace Jion. Jion’s eyes widened in surprise, as if this were something she hadn’t expected. It felt a little awkward at first, but soon he tightened his arms, holding him close. Jion smiled, the corners of his mouth rose so high his cheeks puffed out. He nestled into Kwon Chasa’s embrace.

Now he had to admit it. That he, too, had been concerned about Jion. He had given it the respectable names of “responsibility” and “duty,” but in reality, his worry for Jion had taken precedence. [Read on]That at the moment he shattered Baek Kitae’s soul, an impure sentiment he should never have harbored had influenced his actions.

Once he faced it and admitted it, he understood. He understood why Yu Chasa had asked if he was worried about Jion, and why he hadn’t been able to give a positive answer to Yeomra’s question about whether it would be better to close Jion’s spiritual eyes once everything was over.

It felt almost foolish to realize this only now, but he had actually been concerned about Jion for quite some time.

Kwon Chasa did not push Jion away as he snuggled into his arms. Instead, he held him even tighter. Jion, as if already fully aware of Kwon Chasa’s feelings, did not move away from him for a long time.