IYAMD 94
To be honest, Jaha’s heart had already leaned toward him to some extent. The only thing he was struggling with was whether this feeling was truly affection or not.
Jaha had grown quite attached to him over time, and he had no intention of denying that. His feelings had deepened enough that he wanted to protect him.
As Jaha gazed at the sleeping man’s sharp nose, his eyes slowly drifted to his slightly parted lips.
If he could kiss him, then could he do other things too? Having no experience in such matters, it was difficult to reach a clear answer.
But Marsilia was likely expecting an answer that included all of that. What should he do? Jaha, struggling to think clearly, eventually just collapsed onto the bed beside him.
“This is too hard. Too difficult, Marsilia.”
Jaha quite liked him. Despite all his flaws, he was such a good person that it was almost impossible to dislike him. And after spending so much time together, practically inseparable, how could he not grow fond of him?
Even so, what made him hesitate was that what Marsilia desired was too unfamiliar to him. Physical intimacy was one thing, but having a child? Jaha still couldn’t believe that it was even possible for a man to bear a child. Where exactly was he supposed to carry it, and where would it be born from?
A hundred days of prayer would result in conceiving a child? The story of a maiden picking up a cucumber and getting pregnant seemed more believable than that.
“Marsilia.”
As he softly called his name, the man shifted slightly.
“Mm…”
Was that a response or just sleep-talking? Jaha reached out and gently ran his fingers through the short, soft strands of his hair. A ticklish sensation spread from his fingertips, and before he knew it, his chest felt warm and fuzzy.
By the time he realized it, the corners of his lips had already curled up.
Perhaps he had no choice. His heart had already made its decision, so hesitating now was pointless. His father had always said that decisions should be made quickly, and one must take responsibility for them.
Having made up his mind, Jaha let out a small sigh and closed his eyes. He hoped that when he woke up, he wouldn’t change his mind. As he adjusted his breathing to match the slow, steady rhythm of the man beside him, he fell asleep.
That evening, after dinner, the two of them took a walk in the garden. The scent of flowers, which he hadn’t smelled in a long time, made his chest feel strangely light.
As they strolled through the garden, Marsilia didn’t rush him, remaining silent. Jaha, lost in thought, glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. Then, coming to a stop, he made up his mind.
Marsilia, who had been walking ahead, turned back belatedly. Looking into Jaha’s eyes, he took a step closer. He gently grasped a strand of Jaha’s long hair, pressed a light kiss to it, and then asked,
“Have you made up your mind?”
“Yes.”
Marsilia’s eyes curved into crescent moons.
“Tell me your answer.”
From the look on his face, he seemed to already know Jaha’s answer. Yet he still asked—was it because he couldn’t quite believe it yet?
For some time now, Marsilia had stopped saying that he couldn’t trust Jaha. But occasionally, there were moments when he looked like he wanted to say it, as if his lips itched to let the words slip out.
Not this time, though.
Jaha, feeling as though his lips were sealed shut, forced himself to speak.
“I’ve decided to stay by your side.”
Marsilia remained silent, simply looking at him. After a long pause, he finally spoke, his voice sounding somewhat drained.
“Is that all?”
What else was he supposed to say? Jaha frowned slightly and answered,
“Just wait, you fool.”
Since he had already made his decision, he figured it was best to express it properly. But being honest about it made his face heat up.
With his gaze lowered, Jaha hesitated before speaking again.
“I don’t really… know what exactly I should say. But if it’s what you want, I don’t mind being with you.”
A soft chuckle echoed through the garden. The sound was so teasingly sweet that it made his ears tingle.
“What I want?”
Jaha, rubbing his tingling ears, shot him an annoyed look.
As their eyes met, Marsilia smirked and asked playfully,
“Are you talking about physical intimacy?”
Jaha suddenly felt the urge to sigh. But he swallowed it down and muttered under his breath.
“I’m being serious.”
Finally, Marsilia adjusted his posture, as if he would listen properly now.
“I’m listening seriously too.”
Jaha stole a glance at him before kicking at the ground with the tip of his shoe.
After a brief, awkward silence, he let out a sigh and finally voiced his true thoughts.
“If you want… I don’t mind being your partner.”
Marsilia’s lips parted slightly.
Jaha waited, expecting him to say something, but no words came out.
He met Marsilia’s gaze directly.
“I don’t believe in your goddess, but… I’ll try believing in you. If, as you say, we’re bound by fate, then I’m ready to accept that now.”
Marsilia took a deep breath. His shoulders and chest rose and fell slowly.
Jaha watched him with a small, amused smile.
Marsilia reached out gently. His hand trembled slightly as it cupped Jaha’s cheek, his fingers slipping through his hair.
Then, with an audible sigh, he suddenly pulled Jaha into his arms.
Jaha was lifted so high that he had to stand on his toes. Staring into the man’s eyes, he felt as if he were being drawn into their shining depths.
As the emotions in Marsilia’s gaze overflowed, Jaha’s heart pounded slowly. His eyes glistened, filled with a mixture of overwhelming joy and lingering doubt.
“You won’t change your mind three years from now, will you?”
“I won’t.”
He scanned Jaha’s face as if admiring it, then slowly leaned in, pressing their foreheads together.
“I’m happy.”
As though unable to bring himself to kiss Jaha, he approached only to pull away again. With their foreheads still touching, the tips of their noses brushed together several times before parting. Each time Marsilia let out a trembling breath, Jaha’s eyes slowly fluttered shut.
“Kiss me, Jaha. If this isn’t a dream… then you do it.”
The man’s whisper scattered just above the bridge of his nose. When Jaha lifted himself onto his toes, Marsilia parted his lips and tilted his head upward.
Jaha caught his slightly opened lips between his own, gently biting and releasing them, running his lips over them in between. As he did, a heated breath escaped his mouth.
It almost seemed like strange sounds were coming from his ears, his skin tingling every time Marsilia’s fingers moved through his hair. It felt like the fine hairs on the back of his neck were standing on end.
When he finally lifted his gaze, their eyes met. Marsilia’s hands tightened around Jaha’s head before loosening again, then he deepened the kiss.
Before Jaha could react, Marsilia’s tongue invaded his mouth. As always, he swept over the roof of Jaha’s mouth first, and in response, Jaha tentatively touched his tongue to the retreating one.
The twitching tongue licked his, and the slick sound that filled his ears left his head reeling. Only then did his heart begin pounding violently.
When Marsilia drew his tongue in roughly, Jaha grasped his wrist, letting out a low sigh.
It felt as if all the blood in his body was draining somewhere, making his head spin. A lingering warmth surrounded them as a soft breeze carried the scent of flowers, intensifying the moment.
“Jaha.”
Marsilia whispered against Jaha’s damp eyelids.
“I want to hold you.”
Jaha’s senses momentarily sharpened. His eyes widened in surprise, and Marsilia moistened his lips, as if his mouth had gone dry.
“I want to make love to you.”
As he pressed kisses to the tip of Jaha’s nose and his cheeks, he let out a self-deprecating chuckle.
“Am I being too hasty?”
“A little…?”
While Jaha fumbled for a place to rest his gaze, Marsilia released his face and lowered his head. As Jaha was drawn into his arms, he felt the heat of his body against his neck and sighed.
“Regardless of any rituals, I want to hold you.”
His lips brushed against Jaha’s ear, exhaling a hot breath. A shiver ran through Jaha, making him clutch at Marsilia’s clothing.
Marsilia let go of Jaha only to bring his hand up and press a kiss to the back of it. The lingering warmth on his skin spread like a brand, making his fingers curl instinctively.
“Accept me, Jaha.”
The words themselves were simple, but for some reason, they sent chills down his spine.
“Are you afraid?”
Meeting Marsilia’s gaze, Jaha swallowed dryly. After letting out a long sigh, he closed his eyes tightly before reopening them. Then, he answered—after all, he had already considered everything before making his decision.
“I want it too.”
Seeing him smile so brightly, Jaha felt reassured. His heart, which had been trembling, seemed to settle just a little.
Pulling his hand away from Marsilia’s grasp, he turned first and said,
“Go wash up.”
“Alright.”
As Jaha hurried toward the bedchamber, he heard a soft chuckle behind him.
“Don’t follow me, you fool.”
“But I need to go there too.”
Jaha, sensing Marsilia’s steps quickening behind him, bolted forward as if fleeing. His face was burning, and his heart, which had calmed momentarily, pounded as if it might leap out of his chest. Trying to suppress the ache, he puffed out his cheeks and let out a long breath.
Even as he repeated deep breaths, his heart only raced faster. Whispering a mantra to steady himself, he ran up the stairs. He had to disappear into the room before Marsilia caught up.
By the time he reached the upper floor and made his way toward his bedroom, his face was flushed deep red. His fingers trembled from nervousness, yet there was something he didn’t want to forget.
“Ashton?”
Jaha opened the door to the sitting room between his and Marsilia’s bedchambers, searching for the head attendant.
“Yes, Lord Jaha?”
“Bring me some… wine.”
Ashton blinked in surprise and asked,
“Shall I prepare some wine for you?”
“That, uh… do you have flower wine?”
“Flower… wine? I’ve never heard of such a thing.”
In the Eastern Continent, it was tradition to share flower wine with one’s lifelong partner—to pledge to remain together until their hair turned white. But they didn’t have that here? Jaha’s face fell with disappointment.
Just then, the sound of a door opening downstairs made him snap to attention. He quickly turned toward his bedroom.
“Just bring me anything.”
But he didn’t forget to add—because rituals were important.
“Something good.”
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