KEG 33

“Across the stream, into the forest.”

I recited a line from a poem I had learned many times before.

The little teacher probably wouldn’t remember, but this was already the eighth time I’d studied this particular poem. As a result, I had memorized it well enough to recite it by heart.

“Over the hill, into the village.”

“What does that mean?”

Walking ahead while reciting lines of poetry, I turned around at Baek Yejun’s question. I saw white hair fluttering in the wind like blooming dandelions or flying magpies.

“The speaker wants to live.”

I made eye contact with Baek Yejun for a moment.

His confused expression made him look a little younger than usual. As I curiously stared at him, Baek Yejun said something strange.

“Did you ask the speaker?”

It was a somewhat defiant question.

“What if they didn’t want to live?”

Why was he asking me that?

I had only recited the poem and shared my interpretation of it. Since there was no interpretation for something that wasn’t the “correct answer,” I found it difficult to respond.

Then, suddenly, I recalled something the little teacher had said.

He had said that the wrong answers I came up with after racking my brain weren’t entirely useless to the world. If that was the case, then what Baek Yejun was saying now wouldn’t be entirely in vain either.

“Then keep thinking about it.”

Why is a wrong answer wrong? Why can’t it be the right answer?

I just needed to make it part of the process of finding the right answer.

“Think, ask questions, experience it firsthand, and be shattered. That’s all you need to do.”

Because that’s the right of the living.

“But what if I still can’t find the right answer?”

“Keep repeating it until you’re on the verge of death.”

“What if I still can’t find it even when I’m about to die?”

That was nonsense. I tore my gaze away from Baek Yejun and replied.

“By then, you’ll be able to close your eyes without any regrets, thinking you’ve done all you could.”

There were a few other smokers on the rooftop besides me. I approached them without hesitation.

“Hello, could I borrow a cigarette?”

“Huh? Ah, yeah. Want a drag?”

“Sure.”

They say smokers won’t even give their fathers a cigarette, but when you actually ask to borrow one, most of them don’t refuse.

I guess you could call it the camaraderie among addicts.

“Do you need a light too?”

“Yes.”

I held the cigarette between my lips and mumbled, “Thank you.”

The sparks from the disposable lighter in the other person’s hand almost touched my eyelashes. I took a deep drag on the cigarette.

“Yejun.”

When I called out to Baek Yejun, he approached and took the cigarette from my mouth.

Fuuu…

Thanks to him, I was able to exhale the smoke much more easily. Baek Yejun tapped the cigarette against the ashtray to shake off the ash, as if he were used to it.

As I took a drag, the thirst that had been plaguing me ever since the goat monster incident was slightly quenched.

Had I simply been craving a cigarette?

“Shall I give it to you?”

Baek Yejun slipped the cigarette onto his finger and held it up to my lips. I didn’t take it from him; I just took a drag.

His finger brushed against my lips as the cigarette slipped between them. I didn’t even look at him, but I could feel his gaze following me. Without meeting his eyes, I turned my head away.

With both my shoulders dislocated and unable to do a single thing on my own, Baek Yejun volunteered to take care of me.

He fed me, held my cigarette, and helped me get dressed. He stayed by my side without ever showing the slightest sign of annoyance.

I don’t know why.

Anyway, I needed him, so I let him stay. Every time he got too familiar it irritated me, but it was convenient.

I took in the city beyond the rooftop.

Artificial neon signs, the darkening sky, cigarette smoke rising from the mouth and disappearing.

Everything that was rigid gradually melted away.

“Wow, isn’t that Hunter Baek Yejun?”

“Oh!”

The group of smokers who’d lent me a cigarette recognized the guy armed with a hat and mask and greeted him. I didn’t bother trying to join the conversation.

Since the person holding my cigarette would be busy, I rolled my tongue to push the cigarette to the corner of my mouth.

“I really enjoyed the Hong Kong Gate video this time!”

“Haha~ A dungeon spawned right in front of here too, did you see it? Those little pigeons~”

The fingers inside the tightly fixed cast twitched. The mention of pigeons made sweat gather in the palm of my hands.

“There were so damn many of them… I heard the corpses were Read onsent to the crematorium in Ansan or somewhere like that.”

“There were so many that they sent some to Incheon and Sangam too.”

I heard jokes about the chunks of flesh being scattered across the country to become the primary fuel source for thermal power plants.

As the pleasant evening breeze gently brushed against my shins, I closed my eyes. It felt as though the cool winter wind was touching my warm, soft flesh.

I took a deep drag on the cigarette and burned the wick for a long time.

“Contributing to economic growth! What a model citizen! Haha!”

The cheerful atmosphere continued. The dungeon had vanished without incident, and the damage was minimal. Once again, the city’s night remained peaceful.

The sky was black, devoid of even a single star.

As if it were a gigantic ceiling.

“Hyung.”

The cigarette slipped out my mouth.

“You’re going to burn your face.”

Only then did I realize I’d been staring at the sky for quite some time.

It was just me and Baek Yejun on the rooftop.

“It’s just a burn.”

“You really do treat your body rough~”

The cigarette that had passed to Baek Yejun’s hand sank into a rusty tin can filled with dirty water. Only after seeing that was I able to slowly exhale the cigarette smoke that had completely filled my insides.

Once I exhaled, I felt hollow inside, and I regretted it. I wanted to inhale the suffocatingly acrid air to cloud over my thoughts.

“I didn’t finish it.”

“Stop smoking. Play with me.”

Baek Yejun gave a playful smile.

For some reason, that smile annoyed me. It felt like I was just a toy in the palm of his hand.

“What should we play?”

Out of irritation, I stomped on Baek Yejun’s instep. He watched with a smile and spoke up.

“How about hide-and-seek? If you fly away, I’ll find you.”

“What, are you telling me to jump off the roof or something?”

“Even if you did that, I have a feeling you’d survive.”

“The fuck?”

Does he think I’m a real crow or something? Even I would die if I fell from a great height.

It was so obvious I didn’t even feel it was worth saying.

“You know, what if I get too lonely while trying to find the right answer?”

It seemed like a question about the conversation we had earlier.

I haven’t even given you a proper answer, yet you keep asking so persistently.

“Find something to immerse yourself in.”

Whether you get a lover or pick up a hobby, it’s up to you.

Loneliness is like breathing.

Only you can take a break from it. No one else can do it for you.

“Hahaha, should I?”

Baek Yejun was laughing, but his voice gradually grew lower.

“Actually, there’s something fun I’ve been thinking about. I guess I’ll do that.”

I met Baek Yejun’s dark eyes. He raised his hand and pulled the loose knot of the hospital gown just enough to make it look precarious.

“Hyung.”

Tug.

One of the ties came undone.

“Wanna do something fun together?”

He’d tied it himself, and now he untied it.

I had absolutely no idea what he wanted to do with me.

Did he want to take care of me, or did he just want to play with me?

“Go ahead if you want to die.”

I turned and crossed the rooftop. As I did, the patient gown around my waist fluttered open, exposing my bare skin covered in scars. Since I was self-conscious about showing my scars and tattoos to others, this situation made me uncomfortable.

“I feel this every time, but…”

Baek Yejun muttered something. I ignored him and walked forward to keep my distance. The rooftop door wasn’t completely closed; it was slightly ajar, so it looked like it would open if I pushed it with my body.

“Ha Seongho’s words feel different.”

Click.

The open door was shut by his hand

“To think a death threat would hit me this hard.”

The voice, which had faded away, came from behind my ear. There hadn’t been a single sound of footsteps following me, yet he was standing right behind me.

“It’s so scary.”

A sigh fell on my defenseless neck like a blade.

The sensation of fingers slipping through the opening of my gown made my skin crawl as though I’d been cut. My senses blurred.

“Hold me and comfort me.”

He said that and laughed again.

Both of my shoulders were already ruined. He said this knowing my arms were tied.

My blood ran cold as rage boiled over. I turned and glared at him. It was his usual innocent face.

“2 billion.”

The words came out of Baek Yejun’s mouth indifferently. My body, which had been about to go berserk, froze.

“I collected it all.”

The bastard looked as though he expected praise.

I couldn’t understand what was going on inside his head.

***

Even as I lay still in this white hospital room, the world kept turning. To prove it, someone sent by the government showed [stolen content]up today to check on my condition.

“Hello. I’m here from the Disaster Victim Healing Care.”

Disaster Victim Healing Care. The healers assigned to it are mostly B to D-class.

It was a national program for people who’d suffered damage from monsters. While high-ranking officials and active-duty Hunters were cured immediately, support for civilians was limited to pain relief, so I wasn’t exactly thrilled about it.

But.

“I need to take a shower. Could you numb the pain for just five minutes?”

Showering was the problem. Meals and daily life could be handled by hiring a caregiver. But the thought of showing the menacing tattoo on my back to someone else was burdensome. I didn’t want the hassle of having to explain it or deal with people’s reactions.