SWY 107

Digging through the snow alone had been impossible from the start. That meant reaching the villa had to be the priority. If Lestel was alive, he would come to the same conclusion, and head there as well.

But if Sharhan made it to the villa and Lestel wasn’t there… just imagining it felt like his heart was being torn apart. It had been the same in Verden. When he’d suddenly lost consciousness and awakened inside a cell, he’d nearly gone mad with worry for Lestel.

Feeling a panic attack coming on, Sharhan clenched his throat shut and forced himself to breathe calmly.

‘Not if he’s alive, Lestel is alive. If I made it through, there’s no way that bastard didn’t.’

If it were Lestel, he’d have gritted his teeth and dragged himself out of the snow, saying, ‘There’s no way I’d die before you.’ Then he’d have started tearing the place apart looking for him.

Sharhan closed his eyes tight, then opened them again just as Teddy responded.

“Of course I know the place. I was born and raised here.”

“Is it far from here?!”

Sharhan’s urgency made Teddy flinch and scoot unauthorized copyback slightly. He scratched his neck, eyes darting upward as if estimating the distance.

“It’s not close… wait, you were swept all the way here from there?”

“Yes.”

“Holy hell, that avalanche must’ve been massive. We could tell it was bad just from the sound inside the shelter. That damned lord had all the sari trees clear-cut, made me nervous. My mom always said avalanches used to happen all the time here ages ago, which is why they started planting sari, deep-rooted trees to hold the slopes. But then they got popular and expensive. That lord got greedy and–ugh. If it weren’t for my mom refusing to leave her hometown, I’d have–”

“How far is the villa from here?”

Sharhan cut him off. Teddy seemed kind-hearted and a bit of a goof, but his biggest flaw was definitely how much he talked.

“Well… it’s not close. And with all this snow, it’ll take at least two or three times longer than usual. The road’s probably ruined too. I’d say minimum two to three hours.”

“Draw me a map–ah, no paper or pen.”

“I’ll guide you.”

“You can do that? Just describing it would be enough.”

“It’s actually easier to show you than explain. I’ll take you.”

“You don’t need to take me all the way. Just until I reach a path I recognize.”

It wasn’t wise to lead a stranger all the way to the villa. Even if Teddy seemed harmless.

“Sure.”

Thankfully, Teddy nodded without pressing further.

“The Hines family villa? Got someone there with you?”

It was Gilbert who spoke, having silently listened to the conversation until now.

“…Yes.”

“So it’s a noble’s villa?”

“It was built long ago by Baron Hined, the old lord of Lahan,” Teddy answered.

“Oh, I see. If it’s the lord’s villa…”

Gilbert tugged on his scruffy beard with apparent interest but quickly cleared his throat and shut his eyes when Sharhan stared at him. Sharhan watched Gilbert suspiciously, sensing ulterior motives.

“Ugh, this place is so cramped.”

Grumbling as he shifted to find a more comfortable position, Gilbert seemed to be complaining just to change the subject.

“Just bear it for one night.”

Teddy tried to calm him.

“Like I have a choice.”

“Sharhan’s heading to the villa… what about you, Gilbert? Ethan? Eve?”

“What about us?”

“Your house is gone. Food’s gone too. I figure we’re stuck here at least a few more days. Anyway, I’m taking Sharhan in the morning and then I’m leaving.”

“Let’s go together.”

“With me?”

“After three days together, we’re practically comrades, aren’t we? You even took us in when Eve was too tired to go on. The world’s dangerous now. Better to have allies than be alone.”

Apparently, Gilbert didn’t like the idea of traveling alone either, his face lit up at the suggestion. From their exchange, it sounded like they’d only met about three days ago.

“Alright. What about going to Serman… or maybe Lanswell?”

“Anywhere’s fine as long as there’s food and shelter.”

“Want to head to a bigger city?”

“No can do. The more people, the more corpses.”

Sharhan closed his eyes, listening to the others debate where to go. The shelter was so cramped the air felt thin. Damp cold rose from the earthen floor, and the unwashed stench of the others made his nose wrinkle.

Even wrapping his robe tightly didn’t ward off the chill. Bugs crawled over his skin, making him itch. He scratched his hand absentmindedly and turned his head.

‘Lestel will be okay… Derry, Ardelle, the kids too, right? And Thunder and Lightning, I hope they’re alright…’

He needed rest, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t sleep. His mind was consumed with worry.

“I’m hungry.”

Eve, curled up, muttered softly. Gilbert tapped Sharhan’s foot.

“Got anything to eat? Doesn’t look like it, but…”

“I don’t.”

He’d dragged Lestel outside in a fit of rage, thinking he’d confessed to Ardelle, and the avalanche hit right after. There was no way he had any food.

‘He said it wasn’t a confession to Ardelle… then who was it for?’

Sharhan pressed a hand to his chest, remembering Lestel’s eyes as they looked at him. His heart thudded wildly. Lestel’s green eyes had been darker than usual, and they carried something hot and difficult to define. Tender, soft, like the gaze of a lover. It reminded him of biting into a gooey chocolate cookie.

Sharhan shook his head, unable to stand the tingling on his skin or the pounding in his chest.

‘Why the hell was I so mad?’

His emotions had spiraled like a storm, beyond control. His rationality had evaporated in an instant. It was absurd, but he’d been angrier than when he found out his uncle had stolen the seal and betrayed their family. He’d felt like something precious had been ripped from his hands, like a blade had sliced open his bare flesh.

If he had to name that hot, wild, twisted emotion.

It was jealousy.

‘Jealousy? But that only comes out when you love… when you care about someone, right?’

Me, love Lestel? Me, Sharhan, love Lestel Ailun?

He let out a hollow laugh. Teddy and Gilbert glanced at him like he’d lost his mind.

“Did we bring a lunatic in here?”

“He seemed normal earlier…”

They whispered, but the shelter was small, of course Sharhan heard them. Not that he had the capacity to care.

‘When I can’t see him, I lose my mind with worry. When he’s with someone else, I get furious. When he’s hurt, I’m upset and angry. Even though he’s bigger than me now, he still looks so damn fragile, like I have to keep him behind me. Is that love?’

Sharhan laughed again.

He had to admit, the way he felt about Lestel wasn’t the same as anyone else. Especially after they ended up in bed during this journey… things had become even more confusing.

They were rivals from birth, enemies, childhood friends Read onwho brawled daily, and now something beyond that. That’s why Sharhan had planned to sit Lestel down and talk it through, sort out this tangled relationship.

Since their reunion, their bond had felt like a bug had bitten a place he couldn’t reach, always itching, never satisfying, impossible to ignore.

If he hadn’t lost his mind at dawn, thinking Lestel had confessed to Ardelle, he probably would’ve had that conversation soon.

‘How could I not go crazy? Everyone’s asleep, and the two of them are sitting side by side in the dark whispering “I like you,” “I love you”, how the hell am I supposed to stay sane?!’

Sharhan clutched his head.

‘And to think it wasn’t even a confession to Ardelle… god, how embarrassing.’

He curled his neck and lowered his head. Lestel’s past words fluttered back to him like feathers:

‘I would’ve found a way to drag you into my bed no matter what.’

‘You said I was jealous? I hate it when anyone else looks at you.’

‘Of course I wanted to keep you all to myself.’

‘When I’m holding you, I never think about anyone else.’

Even without eating, he felt full, his mouth sweetened, his heart fluttered. That sugar-sweet joy and tingling thrill made his ears burn.

He’d questioned it so many times, convinced Lestel couldn’t possibly feel that way about him. Sharhan, heir of the Kaios bloodline. But now, those feelings were starting to come into focus.

Unless he heard it directly from Lestel, it was still speculation… but if the avalanche hadn’t hit, he was sure the next words from Lestel’s mouth would have been…